I'm happy.
I'm smiling just thinking about it. Externally, not much has changed in my life. Our country is in shambles, hate still wedges families apart. My sisters and my mom are doing their best in Florida during a pandemic. My job is becoming more stressful. I'm still by myself, struggling with the credit card debt I amounted during a failing relationship.
But on the inside? Oh my.
I reduced my drinking considerably. I have been mindful of my eating - Not just what I'm eating, or how much of it I'm eating, but how I'm feeling as it relates to hunger. Really listening to my body. I'm approaching conversations differently with friends. I'm giving more compliments, sharing more love. I'm taking time for me and the things I enjoy. The Last of Us 2 really helped with that. Thanks, Naughty Dog.
I'm mindful of the fact that these moods ebb and flow. They have a tad in the past several weeks. But I feel that being mindful of these changes, and being curious about them, helps overall. I have my off days, but they're few and far between. For the majority of it all, I'm fulfilled.
I don't hate myself when I look in the mirror. I've been able to share more selfies. It's a struggle, oh god is it a struggle, but it's worth every bit of it to love myself. I'm worth every bit of it. And so are you.
It's funny, a friend said she's so impressed with how "put together" I am. The messy apartment with the mattress on the floor, the dirty dishes in the sink, and the clutter in my living room will tell you otherwise. But hey, no one is perfect, and we're all doing our best. I'm working on what I can and trusting that the rest will fall into place at some point in time. I'm so grateful <3
2:37 p.m. - 2020-07-04
Recent entries:
I hate you. - 2021-03-12
Leave What's Heavy Behind - 2020-07-09
Talk Less, Smile More - 2020-07-04
Golden Hour - 2020-06-09
Forward, March. - 2020-06-08
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