Today's a brighter day.
Re-calibrating, focusing on what's most important, and how I feel during the entire process.
It was weird. I felt SO free yesterday. I felt light. And then Christina texted me asking if we could talk.
Immediately I felt my heart race - not in a good way. I admitted to looking at her page, I admitted to stopping, and I admitted to my frustrations about Alex. I still think I held back - Just because I'm frustrated and hurt and there are pungent thoughts around the whole situation, I don't think she deserves to hold onto that too. So that'll be left alone, here.
She apologized for some shitty behavior in the past. I don't forgive her for that. If there's one bad trait I got from my mom, it's that I hold onto grudges way too much. The summer after our break-up was a hard time in my life. Not just because of the relationship, but because of work. Our post-break-up fights and her actions just made them worse.
But I'm tired of talking about things that happened two years ago.
Right now, things are settling a bit. I'm picking myself back up, dusting myself off, and looking to the future. My coworker and I are setting up for the new academic year...whatever that may look like. Next year I'll be job searching and making my way to Raleigh. I have my associate's license, so it's just a matter of finding a supervisor to work for who can give me hours for full licensure. ezpz.
Redirecting courses is a challenging thing but I feel hopeful. I feel light. I know some days will be heavy, and I'm grateful for those. They serve as reminders for how good the light days feel. For now, I'll close my eyes, smile, and breathe in what life has to give.
10:23 a.m. - 2020-06-09
Recent entries:
I hate you. - 2021-03-12
Leave What's Heavy Behind - 2020-07-09
Talk Less, Smile More - 2020-07-04
Golden Hour - 2020-06-09
Forward, March. - 2020-06-08
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